Ugh, blech, grunt

This morning while unloading the dishwasher my mind flashed to how long it had been since I had posted.  In all honesty it slipped my mind.  I've been very busy lately with trying to pile more things on my already overwhelming plate, and posting on blogs (that I'm pretty sure no one is reading) has slipped my mind.  I also have been very down on myself and depressed.  So much in fact that I broke down before my son's friend's birthday party because I could not find a top long enough to cover my sagging flab around my midsection.  I mean it was a literal breakdown.  In my closet.  I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror mid-scream and it was so red I thought it might pop off.

Uh. I'm stuck at 177.  I am averaging about 2 days a week at the gym.  It's cold as Christmas outside, and hilly.  So outside exercise is a no-go.  I know that I could go to the gym in the mornings starting next week.  But there's that nagging thought in the back of my head that baby girl is only 2 1/2 months old.  She can't sit up, she isn't all that great and holding up her head.  And what if some little germy-germ kid makes her REALLY sick?!  I would never forgive myself for subjecting her to that just because Mommy feels Fat.

I need to eat more fruits and veggies.  Drink more water.  So, yes, there are things I could be doing.  I could do ab work at night while watching t.v.  Lift some weights while watching t.v.  I need to motivate myself to do those things.  When I'm unable to make it to the gym I become so depressed that I just push those things aside.  So I need to get organized and plan some exercise each day and just do it.  It's just that having to think everytime I get dressed, 'okay what will allow me to nurse in public while still covering my stomach' is annoying enough and when I don't have anything that would fit even if I weren't taking into account the whole nursing requirement, it's just enough to make me pull my hair out.  But I've purchased a few sweaters (thank God it's getting colder!) that button in the front and will allow me to wear a nursing cami underneath.  I also just purchased my new running shoes, which were my belated birthday present.  And this weekend I'm going to sign up for that 5K in January.  I can do this.  I just need a few minutes to sit down with my calendar and schedule myself some time to get my exercise in.  Besides helping with the weight, I'm pretty sure it will improve my drab mood.