3..lbs...to...go..sort of.

My scale has been wanting a new battery for some time now.  It actually has two different ones, and I tried in vain replacing the cheaper of the two and it didn't help.  So after hearing me scream at the scale two mornings in a row, hubs decided to go and get the replacement battery for me.  Imagine my surprise when the following morning I step on and it flashes 168 !!!!  I didn't believe it, thinking something was obviously wrong with the new battery, the next day it reads 168.  That means that I am THREE pounds away from what I weighed at my first OB appointment last January and 13 pounds away from my lowest weight since probably 1998 (155).

I haven't been doing much differently.  The first two weeks in January I made it to the gym or worked out at home most days of the week.  Then I started to feel really run down and got about 1 day a week for the following two weeks.  Then I did a 5K in FREEZING weather, but it felt amazing and I did run probably half of it.  It was really muddy in sections and hilly so I decided to take walk breaks then.  After the race I was very pumped up and made myself a tailored training program for a 5K that I plan to do in April and did the first day of it.  Then, yeah I was feeling worse than before, blah, blah.  I have been eating a bit better or trying to.  So maybe it's starting to pay off.  My first goal was to reach my weight of my first OB appointment, since I had gained weight between starting to "try" and that first appointment.  Approximately 10 lbs, maybe a bit less.  Being only 3 lbs from that weight feels great, and hello my jeans are starting to fit better.  Whodathunkit?  Once I hit 165, my next goal is to hit that 155 mark again, hopefully by my 10 year anniversary in May.  Then maybe I can buy myself a snazzy outfit for dinner.  I mean, who wouldn't want to weigh less on their 10th anniversary then they did on their wedding day?  THAT would feel amazing.

No resolutions.

This year I decided NOT to include any weight loss or exercise goals in my resolutions.  Before getting pregnant, exercising 3-5 times a week had become part of my routine.  Even from 13 weeks to about 33 weeks it was still a part of my routine (until the pain from sciatica and Braxton Hicks got so bad I couldn't walk a full lap around the indoor track from the pain).  So, I refuse to make it a resolution to work out a certain amount of times or to lose a certain amount of weight.  The first Sunday of the new year had both me and hubs itching to exercise.  We both just really wanted to do something active and workout.  So last week I exercised 4 days.  A couple of days I made it to the gym and did walking and running intervals. Once I did the same around my neighborhood and another day I did a Zumba workout on the Wii.  This week, I've worked out 2 times already.  I feel amazing.  My mood is lighter, I have had more patience with a very grumpy 3 year old, and my body is already starting to change.  I'm so glad that baby girl has gotten to a place with her nursing that I can fit in a workout much more easily.  I still don't feel comfortable taking her to the gym sitter service.  I think I will probably wait until she is 6 months old to start trying to get back into my morning routine of working out.  It's killing me, because it is my favorite time to workout, but if she got really sick I'd never forgive myself.  I might start trying to get up at 5:30am or so and go to the gym before hubs goes to work, or maybe alternate days with him so he can go as well.

As far as my weight, it's still around 172 (best I can tell).  I haven't weighed myself without clothes in a couple of weeks.  Hubs says I'm gaining muscle but I'm sure the Hickory Farms cheese balls I ate last week had something to do with it.  Oh well.  I've found myself craving healthier foods to snack on the last week, so I will be making a big effort to stock up on healthy options. 

Zumba for Wii Initial Thoughts: Not bad.

Today I received the Zumba Fitness for the Wii and couldn't wait to give it a go.  I wanted something that I could do at home that would challenge me, be fun and actually burn some calories.  I think that I have found that in the Zumba Wii based on my first impressions.

Mind you, I only spent about 30 minutes total (including the 20 minute workout) messing with it, as I had a hungry infant downstairs and a 3 year old nearing his bedtime, so I'll have to look at it more closely next time.  But...it comes with a belt that you slip the remote into.  You create your profile and then if you decide to play right away you pick "Easy", "Medium" or "Hard/Difficult"(I can't remember which one).  Then you pick a routine to do and there are different levels of that as well, Beginner, Intermediate, etc.  I picked the lowest level on both counts.  I also started to do the Tutorial to "learn" the dance steps and then heard baby girl and decided to screw it and just jump in and try to figure out what the heck I was doing.  For the most part, I got it.  I'm sure it wasn't pretty to watch, but I was huffing and puffing.

Here are the things I really liked: 1) The "instructor" looks similar to the dancers in Just Dance, it's mainly a silhouette that changes colors.  2) Unlike other workout videos there isn't a lot of needless chatter that usually just pisses me off.  The chick says "Now you've got it" and other random encouragements, but not that often, just enough for you to actually be encouraged not annoyed 3) At the end it scored me 4) There's a workout calendar that shows you when you worked out, what routine you did, etc.

I wore my Polar HR monitor that I use when I'm trying to run  running and according to it I burned 300 calories in a 20 minutes workout.  Not bad.

Ugh, blech, grunt

This morning while unloading the dishwasher my mind flashed to how long it had been since I had posted.  In all honesty it slipped my mind.  I've been very busy lately with trying to pile more things on my already overwhelming plate, and posting on blogs (that I'm pretty sure no one is reading) has slipped my mind.  I also have been very down on myself and depressed.  So much in fact that I broke down before my son's friend's birthday party because I could not find a top long enough to cover my sagging flab around my midsection.  I mean it was a literal breakdown.  In my closet.  I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror mid-scream and it was so red I thought it might pop off.

Uh. I'm stuck at 177.  I am averaging about 2 days a week at the gym.  It's cold as Christmas outside, and hilly.  So outside exercise is a no-go.  I know that I could go to the gym in the mornings starting next week.  But there's that nagging thought in the back of my head that baby girl is only 2 1/2 months old.  She can't sit up, she isn't all that great and holding up her head.  And what if some little germy-germ kid makes her REALLY sick?!  I would never forgive myself for subjecting her to that just because Mommy feels Fat.

I need to eat more fruits and veggies.  Drink more water.  So, yes, there are things I could be doing.  I could do ab work at night while watching t.v.  Lift some weights while watching t.v.  I need to motivate myself to do those things.  When I'm unable to make it to the gym I become so depressed that I just push those things aside.  So I need to get organized and plan some exercise each day and just do it.  It's just that having to think everytime I get dressed, 'okay what will allow me to nurse in public while still covering my stomach' is annoying enough and when I don't have anything that would fit even if I weren't taking into account the whole nursing requirement, it's just enough to make me pull my hair out.  But I've purchased a few sweaters (thank God it's getting colder!) that button in the front and will allow me to wear a nursing cami underneath.  I also just purchased my new running shoes, which were my belated birthday present.  And this weekend I'm going to sign up for that 5K in January.  I can do this.  I just need a few minutes to sit down with my calendar and schedule myself some time to get my exercise in.  Besides helping with the weight, I'm pretty sure it will improve my drab mood.

One step forward, two steps back.

I am frustrated.  I knew this would happen, when I first took the extra weight off back in 2008 I became frustrated, but prepared myself for the weight loss to come slowly.  I had hoped against all that I knew that this time would be different.  Thinking that if I kept the sweets to a minimum, exercised and hello I'm breastfeeding, the weight would come off FASTER.  Notsomuch.  I'm annoyed that I can't seem to get in exercise 5 days a week.  I'm annoyed that I have to wear my fat jeans, the jeans that although they are comfortable, they look bad on me.

When I first set out to lose the weight that I had tried to lose for about 7 years, I made myself a promise that when I had lost 20 lbs (my goal was to lose 30lbs) I'd buy myself some new jeans.  I couldn't quite take wearing my old ones after I had hit 15 lbs so I gave in and bought a new pair.  They are both Lucky Jeans, one is a women's cut and the other (the newer) a men's.  BOTH say the same size waist, but fit differently.  I'm probably 5-7 lbs away from getting those reward jeans locked up.  Unfortunately no ponytail holder exists that will pull those bad boys closed so that I can get out of the baggy fat jeans.

What is even more frustrating is that I weighed myself (a couple of times) and I had gotten to 177 1/2.  I was SO EXCITED!  I thought there would be no way that I could not get to my first OB appt weight by Thanksgiving or the first week of December.  Then I weigh myself the last two days and it says 178 .8.  I try to tell myself that my breasts have been more full of milk those days, adding to the higher number, but is that true?  I don't know.  I know I should focus on how my body looks, how my body feels and not the Number On the Scale.  But I cannot help it!  I want the Number On the Scale that I long for!!!  Okay, 2 more days this week that I'll be able to get workouts at the gym.  Fingers crossed.

Eating lots of cookies can help you lose weight.

My motivation to work in workouts has decreased.  I feel frumpy and instead of turning that into an unyielding drive to lose weight I've turned it into a drive to eat lots of cookies.  On the plus side, I did buy some Oreos (to use with the cookie candy mold I bought at JoAnn's, chocolate covered Oreos..oh my!) and have not eaten any of them.  But I also haven't busted out that candy mold either.

I did go for a walk on Saturday, cut it a little shorter than normal because we had some family things planned for the day.  After that I didn't work out again until yesterday.  The kids were both fussy and difficult and by the end of the day when my husband came home I wanted a shower (yes I went all day without a shower) and to relax while not holding a small child.  So by Tuesday I was feeling depressed and fat.  I decided to counteract that by eating a bunch of cookies that I had made.  Imagine my surprise yesterday when I woke up, stripped down and jumped on the scale to see that I was a pound lighter than I was last week!!  I was so excited that the scale was moving in the direction I wanted that I talked my almost 3 year old (tomorrow is his birthday, I can't believe he'll be 3!!!) into actually sitting.in.the.jogging.stroller and we went for a walk with my 7 week old in a front carrier.  It took me 15 minutes longer (our neighborhood has some hills) and I was drenched in sweat so badly I had to put baby girl in her crib so I could shower before nursing her when we got home.  This  morning I was awake before the kids so I did the Shred video again.  I probably won't get to exercise again until Saturday because of all the birthday festivities tomorrow but at least that's 3 times this week and next week I'll make my goal be at least 4 times.  Now if I can actually get some ab workouts in a few times a week I might be getting somewhere....like out of my fat jeans and into my next.size.down.jeans.

Excuses, excuses

I have so many excuses for not exercising for a few days, and those excuses led me to eat more ice cream than I probably should have.  I only did the Shred for 2 days last week.  I had planned to get up and go for a walk/run Saturday morning before we got started with our day.  However, Friday night our dog came in and her ear was ripped in two and she was covered in dried blood.  My Saturday morning was then occupied with both kids while the hubs took our dog to the vet to get her ear cleaned and stitched up.  Hubs said, "When we get back from Disney on Ice you can go for a walk after dinner, I'll watch the kids".  So what happens at Disney on Ice?  During the last 20 minutes hubs is holding a very tired almost-3-year-old when he stretches and scratches hubs in the eye.  Saturday night was spent with me doing everything (much like Sunday) while hubs laid on the couch with his eyes closed, moaning in agony. 

Monday I got back to it.  As soon as hubs got home, I changed and took off in the neighborhood with my Ipod.  I walked (with a few running intervals) for 30 minutes through my hilly neighborhood.  I think my heart rate monitor tried to call 911 a few times, but I arrived at home safely.  I thought I might pass out (who knew I was this out of shape?) but after a shower I felt great.  The next morning, I felt even better.  I could feel the soreness in my legs, man I missed that feeling.  So the next night, I did it again.  Went out the door as soon as he got home for my 30 minutes of exercise.

I've picked out a 5K to run in January.  I'm not an athletic person and it took me a few months once I started running to be able to run 3 miles.  I know it's sad, but I know my body and it takes a s-l-o-w progression.  It was a great feeling of accomplishment when I finished my first race and it kept me sticking to my exercise and running.  After 2 days of getting in my cardio and doing a little running...I can feel the addiction coming back.  Immediately when I woke up I felt that gnawing feeling "got to go run, got to go run".  I look forward to the day when 8am finds me at the gym handing over the kids for an hour so I can really focus on exercise, but for now I'll talk my 30 minutes at the end of the day. As for the weight loss, I'm really trying not to weigh myself until Friday morning, first thing, with no clothes.  But it's hard not to!

My 5 week old has more upper body strength

I'm a day late, well two days if you count Tuesday (the day that I did not exercise).  After waking up the next day and barely being able to move my arms I decided it might be a good idea to give myself a day of "rest" in between doing the Shred workouts.  I plan to use this day to do cardio if I can (good old fashioned walking will do). 

So yesterday I did the Shred for the second time.  I had a harder time doing it than the day before!  I did find my 3 lb weights (insert laughter here) so I used those instead of the 5 lb weights I had to use the first day.  I cannot do push-ups.  I don't even mean REAL push-ups I mean girly ones.  I can get halfway down but I cannot go all the way to the floor and back up.  I just cannot do it. It's embarrassing.  So yesterday I did the Shred, and then went outside to walk with my son and daughter for 15-20 minutes.  Today I hope to get some walking in when my husband gets home from work and can watch the kids for me.  So this morning I weighed myself, totally against my rule for weighing yourself (one day a week, same day).  And I have lost a little over a pound!  I've been trying to avoid sweets, or at least keep them to a minimum and eat healthier, so hopefully the combination is going to kick my weight loss into gear.

Background and Goal

So, in the interest of full disclosure I'm going to put a little weight background out here in the blog world so that if anyone is going to read this you can at least see where I started and where I'd like to be.  Before getting pregnant with my son in January 2007, I weighed in at *gulp* 180 lbs.  Yikes.  5 days before delivering him, I weighed 213 lbs.  That's right.  Let it sink in.  Surprising that I had horrible back pain, huh?  So when he was about 6 months old, I had pretty much stopped losing weight and was at 182.  Not too bad, only 2 lbs above my pre-preggo weight.  A few months after that I decided that I wanted to get healthy, fit and get to a healthy weight.  I am 5'9".  I started walking 6-7 days a week, for 45 minutes to an hour, doing some strength training about 3 days a week.  I gradually started going to the gym and eventually started running as well.  My weight loss stalled at about 155.  I was more than pleased and felt great.  I stayed that weight for over a year.  Then we started trying for another baby.  Well, things didn't go as we had planned and I stopped working out as consistently, also had 2 miscarriages so that put a cramp in my workouts as well.  At my first official weigh-in at my OB office I was at 165.  Well, I gained almost 40 lbs this time.  I vowed not to break 200 and of course I did.  My little girl weighed over 9 lbs but at almost 5 weeks postpartum I've still only lost 20 lbs.  So my current weight is 183.

I usually work out and run/walk at the gym.  I can put my son in their childcare service and have an hour to myself to exercise.  They don't take children until they are 6 weeks old and honestly I don't feel comfortable leaving my baby that early anyway.  I would prefer to wait until 8-12 weeks.  I've been exercising 2-3 times a week for the last 2 weeks.  Mostly walking around my neighborhood.  The problem is I can't do that very well because my baby hates her carseat and therefore my jogging stroller.  Plus, I have to wait until my husband gets home from work because otherwise I have to somehow take my almost 3 year old as well.  SO...until I can get to the gym, I'm using videos and trying to eat as healthy as I can (I'm nursing this time as well).

So, now you know my beginning weight, my goal is to get to 155 again, even though my alltimewillIevergettheregoal is 145.  I have no real reason for this number being my goal, other than I want to at least weigh as much as my husband and not vastly more.  But that's what I get for marrying someone with smaller bones than me, and a little shorter.

Saturday I purchased Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred and today I did the workout for the first time.  I found it kept my heart rate up and I feel vaguely sore at this point.  Tomorrow might be another story.  I'm hoping to do this and then get some walking in on the weekends when I can go in the mornings on my own because my husband can stay with the kids. 

Starting a weight loss blog

I'm starting this blog to chronicle my efforts, pitfalls and hopefully successes in losing the weight I gained during my most recent pregnancy with my daughter.  I am one who does better when I am held accountable and even if no one reads, at least I will know that at the end of the day I'll need to take 5 minutes to type and post how I've done with exercise and with healthy eating.  Here we go...