One step forward, two steps back.

I am frustrated.  I knew this would happen, when I first took the extra weight off back in 2008 I became frustrated, but prepared myself for the weight loss to come slowly.  I had hoped against all that I knew that this time would be different.  Thinking that if I kept the sweets to a minimum, exercised and hello I'm breastfeeding, the weight would come off FASTER.  Notsomuch.  I'm annoyed that I can't seem to get in exercise 5 days a week.  I'm annoyed that I have to wear my fat jeans, the jeans that although they are comfortable, they look bad on me.

When I first set out to lose the weight that I had tried to lose for about 7 years, I made myself a promise that when I had lost 20 lbs (my goal was to lose 30lbs) I'd buy myself some new jeans.  I couldn't quite take wearing my old ones after I had hit 15 lbs so I gave in and bought a new pair.  They are both Lucky Jeans, one is a women's cut and the other (the newer) a men's.  BOTH say the same size waist, but fit differently.  I'm probably 5-7 lbs away from getting those reward jeans locked up.  Unfortunately no ponytail holder exists that will pull those bad boys closed so that I can get out of the baggy fat jeans.

What is even more frustrating is that I weighed myself (a couple of times) and I had gotten to 177 1/2.  I was SO EXCITED!  I thought there would be no way that I could not get to my first OB appt weight by Thanksgiving or the first week of December.  Then I weigh myself the last two days and it says 178 .8.  I try to tell myself that my breasts have been more full of milk those days, adding to the higher number, but is that true?  I don't know.  I know I should focus on how my body looks, how my body feels and not the Number On the Scale.  But I cannot help it!  I want the Number On the Scale that I long for!!!  Okay, 2 more days this week that I'll be able to get workouts at the gym.  Fingers crossed.

One workout week

This week has been a bust.  I have been battling a cold virus since Sunday so yesterday was the only day I did anything.  I did make it to the gym and I did walking/running intervals for 30 minutes around the indoor track.  I felt GREAT afterward.  Today it just didn't work out for me to get there after the hubs got home from work, especially since it was after 5 when he got in the door.  But I am down almost 2 lbs since last week, although other than being too nauseated to eat from being sick and nursing a baby around the clock (growth spurt?) I'm guessing any weight loss is mostly from that.

I did come up with a new "plan" for working out.  Keep in mind this is best case scenario.  I want to go to the gym 5 days a week.  The hubs will call me when he is a certain distance from the house so I can pump milk for the baby and change into my workout gear. Then I'll head to the gym and do a 30 minute workout (I plan and want to do a longer workout but until I can go during the day I'll stick with 30 minutes).  I'm going to do walking/running intervals until I can run the entire 30 minutes 3 days a week, the other 2 I will do the elliptical or some other cardio.  I'm also going to start doing my old ab routine at home 3 days per week and strength training 2 days per week.  I have picked out a 5K for January 22nd, so I really, really want to be able to run the entire thing.  I know some people would laugh at this but I've never been able to do anything physical and since I'm starting from square 1 with running, giving myself until January is pretty ambitious.  I KNOW if I can mostly stick to this routine the weight will come off.  I know that my body will begin to feel strong again, my energy will come back, I will be more patient and my stress will lessen.  Once the baby is big enough that I feel comfortable putting her in the sitter service, I'll keep the same workout schedule but instead will get back to my 8am workouts so that I'm not disrupting our afternoon routine with my workouts.

Eating lots of cookies can help you lose weight.

My motivation to work in workouts has decreased.  I feel frumpy and instead of turning that into an unyielding drive to lose weight I've turned it into a drive to eat lots of cookies.  On the plus side, I did buy some Oreos (to use with the cookie candy mold I bought at JoAnn's, chocolate covered Oreos..oh my!) and have not eaten any of them.  But I also haven't busted out that candy mold either.

I did go for a walk on Saturday, cut it a little shorter than normal because we had some family things planned for the day.  After that I didn't work out again until yesterday.  The kids were both fussy and difficult and by the end of the day when my husband came home I wanted a shower (yes I went all day without a shower) and to relax while not holding a small child.  So by Tuesday I was feeling depressed and fat.  I decided to counteract that by eating a bunch of cookies that I had made.  Imagine my surprise yesterday when I woke up, stripped down and jumped on the scale to see that I was a pound lighter than I was last week!!  I was so excited that the scale was moving in the direction I wanted that I talked my almost 3 year old (tomorrow is his birthday, I can't believe he'll be 3!!!) into actually sitting.in.the.jogging.stroller and we went for a walk with my 7 week old in a front carrier.  It took me 15 minutes longer (our neighborhood has some hills) and I was drenched in sweat so badly I had to put baby girl in her crib so I could shower before nursing her when we got home.  This  morning I was awake before the kids so I did the Shred video again.  I probably won't get to exercise again until Saturday because of all the birthday festivities tomorrow but at least that's 3 times this week and next week I'll make my goal be at least 4 times.  Now if I can actually get some ab workouts in a few times a week I might be getting somewhere....like out of my fat jeans and into my next.size.down.jeans.

Excuses, excuses

I have so many excuses for not exercising for a few days, and those excuses led me to eat more ice cream than I probably should have.  I only did the Shred for 2 days last week.  I had planned to get up and go for a walk/run Saturday morning before we got started with our day.  However, Friday night our dog came in and her ear was ripped in two and she was covered in dried blood.  My Saturday morning was then occupied with both kids while the hubs took our dog to the vet to get her ear cleaned and stitched up.  Hubs said, "When we get back from Disney on Ice you can go for a walk after dinner, I'll watch the kids".  So what happens at Disney on Ice?  During the last 20 minutes hubs is holding a very tired almost-3-year-old when he stretches and scratches hubs in the eye.  Saturday night was spent with me doing everything (much like Sunday) while hubs laid on the couch with his eyes closed, moaning in agony. 

Monday I got back to it.  As soon as hubs got home, I changed and took off in the neighborhood with my Ipod.  I walked (with a few running intervals) for 30 minutes through my hilly neighborhood.  I think my heart rate monitor tried to call 911 a few times, but I arrived at home safely.  I thought I might pass out (who knew I was this out of shape?) but after a shower I felt great.  The next morning, I felt even better.  I could feel the soreness in my legs, man I missed that feeling.  So the next night, I did it again.  Went out the door as soon as he got home for my 30 minutes of exercise.

I've picked out a 5K to run in January.  I'm not an athletic person and it took me a few months once I started running to be able to run 3 miles.  I know it's sad, but I know my body and it takes a s-l-o-w progression.  It was a great feeling of accomplishment when I finished my first race and it kept me sticking to my exercise and running.  After 2 days of getting in my cardio and doing a little running...I can feel the addiction coming back.  Immediately when I woke up I felt that gnawing feeling "got to go run, got to go run".  I look forward to the day when 8am finds me at the gym handing over the kids for an hour so I can really focus on exercise, but for now I'll talk my 30 minutes at the end of the day. As for the weight loss, I'm really trying not to weigh myself until Friday morning, first thing, with no clothes.  But it's hard not to!